mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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