She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize