I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize