can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
