Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
