You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
