Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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