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I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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