tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
