I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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