Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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