her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
