I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
