I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
