Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
