you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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