Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My vagina just recognized that song.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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