I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we're so committed to being not committed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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