So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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