I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
