I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
