Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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