dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
