I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
