everyone is single if you try hard enough
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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