I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
