Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
