I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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