Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
