Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
