I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize