I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
