Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
