We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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