He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
