so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
handjob tips. give me some.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
