me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
