I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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