I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
