Duck Duck Cougar?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
