Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
