I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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