so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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