Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
