Nicole vs. Life
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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