I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
