You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
