you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
