So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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