I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
