First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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