I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
