I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
