My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bring me that man meat
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