JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
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