why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
why do cheetos always look like penises
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
