He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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