someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't deserve a penis
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
