Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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