So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
