i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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