Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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