Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
