Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
