well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
