____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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