Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
