he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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