I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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