dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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