i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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