I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
