I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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