I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
