All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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