I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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