and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
