if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry about my life...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
