Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
